Entry #5 Lawyers

It is fun to make fun of lawyers isn't it? Not many people get the chance to do it, so I feel it necessary to introduce some stupidity direct from the courthouse. The following arguments were made on record and in a judicial setting. I think it is important I make that clear to everyone reading. These comments are not made up. If you research them, they will appear on real court records. Although my other posts were not phony, it is just hard to believe that people of the law are this funny.

Argument 1:

Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient still have been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."

One word. Burn.

Argument 2:

Attorney: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July Fifteenth."
Attorney: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."

Technically this person is correct, although that's probably not the answer the attorney would have wanted.

Argument 3:

Lawyer: "You say the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they also go up?" 

No Mr. Lawyer man. The stairs only went down. Did this guy actually pass the Bar Exam? Or did he cheat off his classmate?

Argument 4:

Lawyer: "So the date of your baby's conception was August 18th?"
Witness: "Yes"
Lawyer: "And what were you doing at the time?"

No comment.

Argument 5:

Attorney: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
Witness: "Well I can see pretty well, I think."

I may not be the brightest bulb in the box, but I don't think that's what IQ means dude.

Sometimes lawyers don't even have to talk to witnesses in order to be funny. Here are a couple of quotes from lawyers giving some soliloquies.

Lawyer #1: "Your youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
Lawyer #2: "Were you alone, or by yourself?"
Lawyer #3: "How many times have you committed suicide?"
Lawyer #4: "You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?"
Lawyer #5: "Now isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know it until the next morning?"

Lawyers are funny.

Quotes from "1001 Dumbest Things Ever Said" and "Rinkworks.com"