Entry #6 Youngman

Henny Youngman is a very funny comedian. When he got on stage, you know you were going to be prepared to laugh. He tickled everybody’s funny bones. Without him, the world might have gone insane. Henry Youngman is probably most popular for his hilarious one timers. One of his best is the famous "Take my wife... Please." joke.  He started his career as a violinist and became part of an orchestra. His skills could have taken him far but he decided to quit and become an actor. After failing as an actor, he stuck to what he did best, comedy.

I might be boring you by giving you biographical information, but there is a method to my madness. Well not really, so I'm going to put my fingers on the keyboard and type what you really came to read, funny quotes. Here are some of Henny Youngman's best quotes.

"The patient says 'doctor, it hurts when I do this.'
The doctor replies, 'then don't do that.'"

"The doctor says to the patient, 'take off your clothes and stick your tongue out the window.'
'What will that do?' asked the patient.
'I'm mad at my neighbor.'"

"I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."

"Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.'
She said, 'we can't do that sir.'
I told her, 'Well you did it last week.'"

"Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did."

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

"If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving."

From doctor jokes to wife jokes, Henny Youngman is one of the kings of comedy. Until next time, I'll be logging off.

Quotes from "1001 funniest things ever said" and brainyquote.com