Entry #8 Teacher

This entry is all about the teachers, well, one teacher in particular. Some of what he/she says might not be appropriate and therefore, I have deleted his/her name from my blog. A few of you know who this person is and I ask you politely to keep the name of this teacher anonymous.

Teachers are supposed to teach their students about the subject they mastered in. Whether it is math, English, history, or science, all teachers are mentors that their students look up to. Sometimes they give important life lessons as well. This week I took notes in a particular class. These notes, however, were not on the subject being taught, but on what the teacher said to the class. Some of the quotes, nevertheless, did not make it onto this blog due to circumstances beyond my control. This is due to the graphic content of the quotes themselves. Anyways, without further adieu, I give you quotes from my teacher.

"These are revolutionary solids. Solids that revolve around the x-axis. Not to be confused with solids starting a coo."

"There's a soft spart in my hot."

Teacher: "I'm not supposed to love what you guys love."
Student: "So you don't love 'My Little Pony'?"
Teacher: "Well, I didn't say that."

"I'm watching my girlish figure."

"Does everything go immediately to drugs with you?"

"Mind Explosion! I just exploded your fragile little minds. Now I have to use a chisel to scrape your brains off the back wall."

"The AP test writers? They're big, horrible, terrible people that suck."

"You just change what you do, cause I have a degree; I have accomplished something in my life."

"Well I can't play basketball, so I have one other option... teaching."

"Here's my hypotenuse. Get 'Hyp"

"What do you call someone who is close but wrong? Wrong."

Again, there are more quotes from this teacher, but due to the content, I have refused to share them with you. And again, I don't want to see this teacher get in any trouble so I don't want anybody to comment his/her name.

Quotes from a certain teacher I will not mention.

Entry #7 Facebook

Facebook is an online site that allows people to talk to friends, update people on their lives, and a lot of other cool stuff. Facebook was intended to make sure that people who knew each other could keep up and know what everyone is up to. Now it is mostly about people venting about various news stories. Fortunately, for me, I have friends who not only do this, but also write funny comments. It took a while, and a lot of scrolling, but I was able to come up with a list of some of the more humorous posts from the last couple of days from my friends. Now I don't want anyone to get upset on what I am about to write, so I will not reveal the names of any of the comments I will share. Privacy is my number one priority. Sometimes.

"Do I dare disturb the universe?"

"Pun #2 Did you see the fog? I mist it."

"My mother is of the opinion that cake does not constitute a full meal . . . and we're supposed to be related?"

"Got late to the language induction ceremony. I didn't get to do my speech but I still got my cake! [Heck] Yaaaa"

"Pun #1 Want to hear a joke about Pizza? Never mind, it's too cheesy."

"Well it's not safe outside anymore. Darn inchworms are back."

"Well - performed my required tri-monthly Facebook update! Be back in July . . . "

"Pollen, you've indubitably won the battle today. However, I shall be back, and with a bottle of allergy pills in my hand."

"My red car is officially green from pollen. Gross."

"Apparently 3am is the best time to do homework because I am knocking this out of the park."

 "I can't sleep since yesterday. I even tried during classes. It did not work."

I have a few weird friends on Facebook. But without these friends, I would have nothing to talk about on my blog. This post would be boring if I just chose quotes that nobody wants to read. I'm sure there are more quotes out there, but I didn't want to go overboard. Until next week, I'll be seeing you.

Quotes from "Facebook"

Entry #6 Youngman

Henny Youngman is a very funny comedian. When he got on stage, you know you were going to be prepared to laugh. He tickled everybody’s funny bones. Without him, the world might have gone insane. Henry Youngman is probably most popular for his hilarious one timers. One of his best is the famous "Take my wife... Please." joke.  He started his career as a violinist and became part of an orchestra. His skills could have taken him far but he decided to quit and become an actor. After failing as an actor, he stuck to what he did best, comedy.

I might be boring you by giving you biographical information, but there is a method to my madness. Well not really, so I'm going to put my fingers on the keyboard and type what you really came to read, funny quotes. Here are some of Henny Youngman's best quotes.

"The patient says 'doctor, it hurts when I do this.'
The doctor replies, 'then don't do that.'"

"The doctor says to the patient, 'take off your clothes and stick your tongue out the window.'
'What will that do?' asked the patient.
'I'm mad at my neighbor.'"

"I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to stop going to those places."

"Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, 'Send one of my bags to New York, one to Los Angeles, and one to Miami.'
She said, 'we can't do that sir.'
I told her, 'Well you did it last week.'"

"Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did."

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

"If at first you don't succeed, so much for skydiving."

From doctor jokes to wife jokes, Henny Youngman is one of the kings of comedy. Until next time, I'll be logging off.

Quotes from "1001 funniest things ever said" and brainyquote.com